RockingJuJu

So much going on all the time. My brain doesn't know which way it is going. I have some personal stuff going on that is just adding to the stress of everything else. If you have seen my sanity I really need it back.

Justin is getting surgery Wednesday. He is looking forward to that so it does help that he is fighting me over it. The last time he had surgery I had to physically drag him out of the car. I am not kidding either. He wouldn't move and when I went to grab him out of the car he grabbed the steering wheel and wouldn't let go. I then had to carry him through the hospital kicking and screaming. He calmed down for a bit until they came to him back to surgery and then he grabbed my neck and wouldn't let go. They had to pull him off of me and hold him to the bed and off to surgery he went screaming for me to save him. So yes I am very glad that he is older and we are going to skip all of that this time around. This may very well be the last of his surgeries and it will be nice to see that chapter of our lives come to a close, well for the most part.

Jacey is sick yet again. Running a fever of 101, complaining that her ears are hurting, her throat is sore and she can barely breath with all the fluid in her chest. The doctor couldn't get her in today so hopefully she will not get worse before tomorrow. I have to wonder if her immune system will ever return to "normal". There is no question that chemo causes changes to your immune system but I guess I never thought it would be life long.

I keep telling myself things can always be worse. It is not helping much but I keep saying it anyway. I just feel like life is spinning out of control and I keep grasping trying to get a grip but it is just spinning to fast for me to hold on.